I should probably update this

[waiting4morning]

I keep forgetting I have a dreamwidth journal now. I'd fallen out of the habit of updating LJ, but I'd like to get back into the habit of blogging every now and then. It seems like a good habit for a wannabe writer to have, and maybe good for my own self talking.

Been thinking a lot about mental health lately and how annoying my own issues are. I mean, one of the worst things for me, at least, is that it’s so variable.

Someone has a broken arm, it’s obvious: you’re in intense pain and an x-ray will clearly show what’s wrong.

But depression and anxiety? Depression is a sneaky SOB. Depression is my friend who literally couldn’t get out of bed for weeks, who had to get electro-shock therapy or whatever it is because meds weren’t working. Anxiety is my other friend who literally cannot look at test results for her grad school program without someone sitting beside her.

Me? I just feel sort of crappy on and off all day. I still function, l still eat, I still work, and I still enjoy things. I have no desire to stop living or anything like that. But in between? I just feel sort of irritated, cynical, and mopey all the time.

And then it’ll vanish for a few hours and things feel great, and I think, “gee, stupid hormones lol.”

I finally broke down and called my doctor, asking if I could go back on Lexapro. That was two weeks ago, I think? Said to visit her if I wasn't feeling better by 3-6 weeks.

I hope it works. I'm tired of not feeling normal, though, if one thing this journey has taught me, I've been dealing with anxiety and maybe this low-key depression most of my life and never figured it out until thyroid issues blew them up.

Well, that was a bit much for a first post. Oops.

Comments

[rj_anderson]

*hugs*

I'm glad you're posting.

[alix]

But depression and anxiety? Depression is a sneaky SOB.

This whole post speaks to me. Mine is more depression that got whalloped by thyroid issues about a year ago, but...gah. It's hard. Especially growing up during a time when society said you can just "think yourself better". If I could, I wouldn't be on drugs for it.

[waiting4morning]

Yeah, the thyroid issues are a pain. Just yesterday I got myself wondering if maybe I my thyroid was being under active instead of over like it usually is and maybe that was causing my depression. It's maddening.

I think mental health education needs to include the wide range of possibilities. I never would have labeled myself as having anxiety or depression after reading about those issues in a psychology class or something, you know? I wish I had known what I was dealing with a lot earlier so I might have learned better strategies.

But I guess better late than never.

[alix]

maybe I my thyroid was being under active instead of over like it usually is and maybe that was causing my depression

Could be. That was actually what happened to me last year when I was diagnosed with hypothyroid, although the "I MUST take a nap every day" was also a big signpost. :P But, yeah, it'd be worth checking. TSH can fluctuate, and it may be whatever medication I'm assuming you're taking to control hyperthyroid may be too much right now and pushing you hypo.

Also, have you had your vitamin D checked? Unless you're taking supplements, you may be okay, but low levels can also contribute to feelings of depression. (I was also recently diagnosed with that, hooray, desk jobs.)

I think mental health education needs to include the wide range of possibilities. I never would have labeled myself as having anxiety or depression after reading about those issues in a psychology class or something, you know? I wish I had known what I was dealing with a lot earlier so I might have learned better strategies.

I completely understand, yeah. I never took psych classes, but I suspect they're more geared towards the extremes rather than the "every day" depression or anxiety which seems so prevalent nowadays (or, at least, it is in my social circle). Plus, the stigma previously lowering the reporting of it, the subclinical might not have been worth mentioning in text books back then.

(Part of me wonders if "nowadays" is what is contributing to its prevalence, or if it's just that it's being recognized more because of a wearing down of the stigma.)

I have lots of complicated thoughts about this, but I'm having a difficult time verbalizing them this morning. :)

[waiting4morning]

whatever medication I'm assuming you're taking to control hyperthyroid may be too much right now and pushing you hypo.

My yearly blood work and check up is next month. I might wait it out until this, though I'll keep an eye on my symptoms. Bleh.

I actually have a diagnosable vitD deficiency, so much so that when I made a joke about it being the introvert's disease, my doctor commented that even if I worked outside all day I wouldn't make enough to make up for my lack. So. yeah, I take supplements. :)

"every day" depression or anxiety which seems so prevalent nowadays

Yeah. And I know that everyone is different. Some lucky few may go through their whole lives never needing store-bought neurotransmitters, while others need them every day. My friend that takes anti-depressants isn't on them all the time. She monitors her emotional health and when she realizes she's in a downward spiral, starts them back up again. Still too early to judge what kind I'll be I guess. I'm thinking I should probably combine the meds with therapy to maybe help me be a better judge of my emotional health.